Have you ever felt like you are outside of your family looking in? Have you ever felt like your family dynamics bequeathed to you at birth often times creates more negative memories than positive memories? Have you ever felt like you try to reconnect but every time it blows up in your face? The following post is for those who always feel like the outsider, for those who have had loved one’s pass away or for those who have felt rejected by their family. You are not without hope.

In one of the most tender and powerful moments of Jesus’ life, He redefined what it means to belong to a family. It didn’t happen in a synagogue or a temple—it happened, and continues to happen, at the Cross. A place of nakedness (ultimate vulnerability) and shame (an emotion that Christ despised).

A Family Formed at the Foot of the Cross

In John 19:26–27, as Jesus hung suffering and dying from the weight of our sins, He looked down at His mother Mary and His beloved disciple John and said:

“Woman, behold your son.”
Then He said to the disciple, “Behold your mother.”
And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home.

This may seem simple at first glance—Jesus making sure His mother would be cared for. My entire life I was taught that it was Jesus following the commandment to “honor your father and mother.” Yes, this is a correct teaching. However, as is with the Hebrew, it is a prism and there are many meanings to each story, and we are merely scratching the surface. There are so many additional lessons to be learned from this story at the Cross. One such additional lesson, I will share here today. This teaching comes from Christ and it was radically countercultural and so much more than what it initially appears to be!

Jesus Broke the Rules

When you take a closer look at Mary’s family, it wasn’t exactly a peaceful or perfect family atmosphere at all times. Scripture bares out in John 8:39-41 that Jesus was often shamed for the circumstances of his birth. Essentially, he was accused of being what we would call today, and I hate to even use this word when speaking of our Lord and Master but the truth of the matter was that Jesus was accused of being, a bastard child. He was perceived as being born outside of the marriage relation which brought extreme shame to the family and to Christ, Himself. And, every time Jesus was shamed in this way, Mary was too. Despite the shame, Mary stood by Jesus all the way to the cross (John 19:25). She bore the lifelong consequences of obedience to God. Her willingness to carry the Messiah cost her reputation—but it made her a model of courage, humility, and faith.

The Desire of Ages, Chapter 15, alludes to a grieving Mary whose family dynamics were difficult, especially after Joseph died. Scripture tells us that Jesus’ own brothers did not believe in Him:

“For even His brothers did not believe in Him.” John 7:5

At one point, they tried to stop His ministry, saying He was out of His mind (Mark 3:21). There are many of us today who know what this feels like. The tension in Mary’s household would have been thick—sibling rivalry, disbelief, and public shame in a time and culture that did everything possible to avoid public shame. About this time, Jesus’ siblings, at every family gathering, may have been urging Mary and Jesus to just follow what the priests and rabbis were saying. They might have been pulling Mary aside to try to persuade her to talk to Jesus and tell Him to obey exactly what the religious leaders were telling Him to do or they could all face the consequences. And through it all, Mary stood in the middle. She knew who Jesus was. But the rest of the family did not understand what Mary was saying nor did they believe in Jesus as the Messiah and there was ongoing conflict in the family.

So when Jesus gave Mary to John, He wasn’t just giving her physical security. He was rescuing her from spiritual isolation. He was giving her a home where she would be seen, protected, and understood. And perhaps even more than that, He was protecting her from being abandoned in the future.

We know from John 9 that fear of being cast out of the synagogue was real. When Jesus healed the blind man, the blind man’s parents were brought before the synagogue and publicly questioned:

“His parents said these things because they feared the Jews, for the Jews had already agreed that if anyone should confess Jesus to be Christ, he was to be put out of the synagogue.” John 9:22

Being cast out of the synagogue wasn’t just a spiritual loss—it was economic, social, and relational exile. If Mary’s other children still failed to believe in Jesus as the Messiah after the Cross, they may have distanced themselves from Mary out of fear of being guilty by association or from even the tiniest amount of pressure from the priests and rabbis. The religious leaders held enormous power. To be associated with Jesus meant to risk exclusion from the synagogue, from social life, from protection, and even from employment and trade.

And Mary—now a widow—was already incredibly vulnerable. In that time and place, widows had little standing. Without a husband or the support of faithful sons, she had no legal power, no income, and no security. She would have been dependent on others for shelter, food, and protection. If her other sons were intimidated by the priests and rabbis, they might have tried to preserve their own standing by cutting Mary off. Mary could have faced real abandonment and she would have been left in dire straights.

Jesus saw all of this. And so…Jesus stepped in for Mary like He does for us all. He loved His mother and wanted to ease all of her worries. Thus, he makes the proper arrangements for her before His death like the dutiful son and Lord he was and continues to be.

He placed her in a family of faith that would not deny her, a home that would not turn her away because of Him. He ensured she would be cared for by someone who understood who He was and what He meant—not just to her, but to the world.

Many of us have experienced or bore witness to the chaos that ensues when someone dies. Especially when they do not leave any directives for their families to follow when they pass or, the opposite, they leave directives that were totally unexpected. Or, the person leaves no will at all. The disagreements can be intense and the family left in disarray and enduring conflict.

In first-century Jewish society, family was sacred. The firstborn son had the legal and moral responsibility to care for widowed parents. Jesus had biological brothers—James, Jude, and others—who would have been next in line to care for Mary. But Jesus didn’t entrust her to them.

Instead, He entrusted her to John, a disciple, not a blood relative.

This would have deeply offended the norms of His culture and struck directly against Jewish family law and custom. By choosing to give Mary to someone outside of the biological family, Jesus disrupted the expectations regarding inheritance, duty, and household roles.

Yet, He did this with a divine purpose.

A Covenant Act of Love

Jesus wasn’t just assigning Mary a caregiver. He was forming a new family—based not on blood, but on belief.

The words “Behold your son… Behold your mother” are covenant language, not casual language. In Greek, the word translated as “behold” is ἴδε (ide)—a command to truly look, recognize, and receive. It carried the weight of solemn assignment. This wasn’t a last-minute arrangement. It was a sacred, covenantal transfer—a new family being established at the foot of the Cross.

Covenant relationships, in Hebrew thought, were just as binding as blood. Think of David and Jonathan. Their covenant made them closer than brothers.

“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.” 1 Samuel 18:3

Ellen White describes this moment in The Desire of Ages:

“Jesus knew that as a faithful disciple, John would care for her with unselfish tenderness. And in placing her in John’s care, He gave her to the one who most fully understood His spirit and who was best fitted to be a son to her in Christ’s stead.” Desire of Ages, p. 752

This act wasn’t only for Mary’s benefit. It was a prophetic moment—signifying that a new family was being birthed through Christ’s suffering and sacrifice: a family of believers bound together not by biology but by covenant love.

In That Moment…

Jesus was fulfilling the law, honoring His mother, and launching the Church—a family not of DNA but of the Spirit.

The Cross became the birthplace of a new community. There, Jesus made provision not only for Mary—but for every one of us who has ever felt like our family does not accept us, does not understand Christianity, rejects us for whatever reasons they may have causing us to feel very alone.

Mary and the Church in Acts

After the resurrection, this family of faith becomes visible. In Acts 1:14, Mary is seen praying in the upper room with the disciples:

“All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and His brothers.”

The very people Jesus had entrusted to one another now stood together, waiting for the Holy Spirit. Even His biological brothers, once skeptical, are now part of the believing community. This should give us all hope that even the last chapter on our DNA family is not written yet. Keep praying.

However, Jesus placed His mother in the Church—because the Church is where spiritual belonging happens. Even though some of Jesus’ brother(s) became believers later, a fact that Jesus would have known on the Cross, He still gave Mary to John. This shows us that belonging to Jesus and His church is even greater than familial attachments.

The Cross Gives Us a New Family

When Jesus gave Mary to John, He wasn’t just caring for her needs. He was establishing a family that includes every believer.

He was saying to every soul who has ever felt forgotten:

“You are not left out. You are Mine.” Isaiah 43:1, John 6:37, Psalm 27:10, Romans 8:38-39.

This wasn’t a sentimental moment. It was a covenant act—rooted in divine authority and sealed with suffering. In that act, Jesus created space for every hurting person to find a home—not just in heaven, but now—in the community of believers.

In this family, we are not bound by genetics. We are bound by grace. And, through grace, even if our earthly families reject us or fail us, we can recover. We can heal. We can belong.

The Church—at its best—is that family. A place where people are known, carried, and loved. A place where the covenant made at the Cross is lived out in daily life.

You Belong

At the Cross, Jesus made a statement, not just to Mary and John—but to you.

“I see your pain. I see your aloneness. And I’m placing you into a family that will never perish—Mine.”

If you’ve been hurt by those who were supposed to love you, Jesus understands. He lived it. He bore it. And He made a way for your story to be redeemed.

Let Him lead you to the family you were made for—a family of grace, of truth, and living day by day in the Spirit.

You are not alone.
You are not forgotten.
You are family.
(Deuteronomy 31:6, Matthew 28:20, Isaiah 49:15-16, Psalm 139:1-4, Ephesians 2:19)

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.” Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭15‬-‭17‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So, at last and in conclusion, I say welcome! Welcome to the family of believers. I say welcome to my family and your family through the family that Christ has prepared for you and I ahead of time, just like He did for Mary. He has made arrangements for you and I at the Cross and I pray that you find peace, healing, and victory in Jesus. At the Cross, you will find a family of believers. Congratulations and God bless you as you walk forth as part of God's covenant family!

Today, Proverbs provides a profound lesson for us as mothers.

"Where no oxen are, the trough is clean; But much increase comes by the strength of an ox." ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬.

This verse basically means that we may have achieved our goal to clean the stall but at what cost? This verse means that we have gained no blessing in the achievement of our goals. The achievement is an empty one because the reason for the achievement has been lost.

Practically applied this means that I may have cleaned the house or accomplished my goals for the day but who did I have to trample on or lose to accomplish it? Solomon is indeed saying that the mess that comes from having "a full stall of oxen" should be overlooked. It means that one day, my life won't be so busy with the children and, on that day, the quiet cleanliness and order of life will mean they have all grown up and gone. I must remember not to put goals above what really matters. Solomon is saying that the blessing of increase comes from the oxen but the oxen of life also causes a mess. There is time enough to clean it but not at the cost of the oxen.

There are other applications also. In cleaning the stall were the oxen let loose or chased away? In accomplishing a task or goal do I put that task above people? This Proverb is about priorities. It states that human beings are very guilty of prioritizing the wrong things. The oxen are what is important. The oxen are what bring the blessings of life and, so, it is foolish to prioritize a clean stall over the maintaining of the oxen.

Just a few verses earlier in Proverbs 14:1 Solomon writes, "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands." Proverbs‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬. This verse is talking about the mother in the home. The Hebrew for the word "builds" means "gaining children." This can mean one child or many children. The amount of children is not important but rather the "building" of them. The latter part of the verse is referencing the shocking scene of a woman using her own hands, her own power and position in the home, to destroy it. This verse is stating that a wise woman will look at her children as a literal structure to be built up.

A little while later Solomon states that the home can be purified (this can be rules, tasks, chores, goals, career, money, religion, etc.) but at what cost? There are so many applications of this verse that can apply to time, goals, career, money, religion, a loveless religious experience, etc. that one hardly knows where to start so I'll simply say this:

In everything that we do with our children we are either building or destroying our house. To our children, the effect of our influence is very black and white. We as mothers must remember to take the time to make sure that in prioritizing our priorities we are not missing the highest priority of all. We may accomplish much in this life but if we are not building up our children first and foremost then we are wasting our time on this earth by cleaning an empty stall and missing the blessing of the oxen.

Today, I must pray for the desire and the energy to build my children up first by tuning into their needs (emotional and physical) and, second, accomplish the tasks that I deem important.

The last point I want to make regarding this verse is Solomon's clear vision to see to the Messiah. This verse has parallelism as all Hebrew usually does. The oxen in this verse also are a type of Christ. Our strength comes from Christ. We may leave off our bad habits, sweep our house clean, quit our addictions, have a good diet, keep the Ten Commandments, and do good but, if we are missing the love of Christ in our life, we have an empty stall. The love of Christ is evidenced by the fruits of the Spirit, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23.

If we have a "clean stall" by our own strength and by our own efforts to purify the life without the love of Christ toward others, we are prioritizing everything in the wrong order and we will end up unwisely pulling down our house with our hands.

To prioritize our lives with wisdom as mothers and Christian believers we must put Christ first in our lives. We must come daily to the Cross and admit our inability to order our family and home the right way. We must recognize our need for Jesus and ask for His strength and His victory in our lives. Only then will we have the strength of the ox, the wisdom to prioritize things correctly, and the words and actions to build our family and home with love.

You Belong: How Jesus Redefined Family at the Cross